"Hey! Would love to hop on a quick call and hear about your journey. Let me know if you're free sometime!"

If you've ever sent something like this, I'm not judging. We've all done it.

But it doesn't work. And once you realize why, you'll never send it again.

The numbers are brutal

Cold LinkedIn messages have a 5-15% response rate. Cold emails to people you don't know? Even worse — closer to 1-3%.

But here's what's interesting: messages to people who recognize your name? 40-60% response rate.

Same ask. Same person. Completely different outcome.

The difference isn't your pitch. It's whether they know who you are before you show up in their inbox.

Everyone says "just reach out!" Like confidence is the only thing standing between you and a response.

But think about it from their side.

Anyone worth talking to gets 50+ messages a week from strangers asking for "quick calls" and "career advice." That's 50 people who want something, offering nothing, taking up time.

Your message lands in that pile. Doesn't matter how well you write it. You're competing with 49 other strangers.

Unless you're not a stranger.

CHere's what actually moves the needle:

A researcher at Stanford studied how professionals built their networks. The ones who got the most responses didn't send better cold messages. They turned cold outreach into warm outreach before they ever hit send.

The playbook is simple:

Weeks 1-2: Pick 10 people you want to know. Follow them everywhere. Don't DM anyone yet.

Weeks 2-4: Engage with their stuff. Not "great post!" — that's invisible. Leave actual comments. Ask questions. Disagree respectfully sometimes. Quote tweet with a real take. The goal is for them to see your name 5-10 times before you ever message them.

Week 5: Now send the DM. But you're not cold anymore. You're "that person who always has interesting replies."

This takes longer. It also works 4x better.

There's an old sales concept: people need to see your name 5-7 times before they trust you.

This applies to networking too.

Before you DM someone, ask yourself: have they seen my name at least 5 times? If not, you're still cold. Keep engaging.

Here's what counts as a touch:

None of these are asks. They're just you being present. Being useful. Being someone worth knowing.

When you DO reach out

Don't ask for a call. That's a 30-minute commitment from someone who doesn't know you. Way too big.

Start with something that takes 30 seconds to answer.

This gets ignored: "Would you be open to a 15-minute call to discuss how you broke into venture capital?"

This gets responses: "Hey — random question. When you were trying to break into VC, what's one thing that worked that you didn't expect? Trying to figure out if I'm overthinking this."

One specific question. Easy to answer. No calendar involved.

Let's say you want to connect with a product manager at Stripe.

Week 1: Follow them on Twitter and LinkedIn. See what they talk about. What do they care about? What are they working on?

Week 2-3: Reply to 3-4 of their tweets with actual thoughts. Not "love this" — something that adds to the conversation. Maybe share one of their posts with your own take.

Week 4: They've probably noticed your name by now. Maybe even liked a reply. Send a DM: "Hey — random question. How do you think about prioritization when everything feels urgent? Struggling with this at my current gig."

Week 5+: They respond. You have a conversation. You thank them. A few weeks later you can ask for a call. But by now it's not weird — you actually know each other.

This takes 5 weeks instead of 5 minutes. But the success rate isn't even comparable.

Networking feels gross when it's transactional. "I want something from you, please give it to me."

It stops feeling gross when you flip it. When you're not trying to extract value but actually being a person who's interested in things and has stuff to contribute.

Stop trying to "network." Start being someone worth knowing. The opportunities follow.